Somehow still alive and kicking it. Thank you Lexapro. (If you see content of yours that is uncredited, feel free to inform me.)

I’d write more on here but my engagement is low to none. If I’m gonna be spilling my guts and being vulnerable online for no real return (and mostly potential risks down the road), I’d rather just keep it in my written journals. 

If you find this tumblr then you figured out some keywords associated with me. No real effort aside from find a nice comfy chair and decent internet connect. If you find my journals, then fuck I applaud your efforts. 

10+ years. Didn’t expect to be here. Nothing much to write here, barely anyone to interact with if any at all. This place will stand as a record of the times before I began my journals. 

Jesus fc its feel silly to read up on all the stuff ive put on here and see the differences. Thinking about it growth still has the same essential base(s) just different branches and expansion. What was such a large issue or aspect is still there in some form but lead to something hopefully better. This looks like a tree in my head except I haven’t visualized the forest or other trees yet.

These past 2-3 week have been decent bookends to what is a decent year. 

(note: the new year begins for me june/july since that’s when school would end for the new year)

Today was my last day in therapy with MW. Made a lot of progress internally. Still on a treadmill life wise. Lots more to go. Comparatively, 6/27/19 me is much better cognitively than 6/27/15 me. Cracks are there and obvious to the people who know me intimately and are in daily comms with me. I’m still uber vulnerable and my negativity is expressing itself in new forms but it beats being stuck emotionally or in constant self criticism and low self esteem. 


Therapy and healing through psych methods don’t really remedy the soul. It may be an inadvertent result of it, no doubt.  Its mainly here to hel us maintain functionality in the capitalist machine. It operates within the system, not outside of it. Yes, it is in a safe spot, an isolated portion of it. It still is valuable.

Would it possible to find respite from the systematic struggles we all* feel?

*we as in everyone who isn’t wholly insulated from the shitstorm going on right now.

If the words “thought experiment” come out of your mouth and/or is written by your hands (or mouth/feet in some cases) in a serious manner then I can’t fuck with you. The word in the thoughts are a fiction and shouldnt be used for more than isolating variables to improve comprehension and communication. When you begin to apply conclusions (which shouldn’t even be considered in light of the abstract isolation) from that fictional world to our collective reality, you end up justifying lord knows how much absurdity and untruth.

Can’t fuck with you. If you’re mocking or dismantling the acolytes of “thought experiments” and/or their fantasy worlds. Then we can fucks together. 

In theory, anything can happen. In actuality, we’re pretty restricted. 

why ignore when you can answer. At this point in our lives, honesty and being upfront is much more appreciated that expecting either of us to pick up on signal (especially if were not looking for them).