But I Don't Need A Cigarette

Imagine how fulfilling life would be without this desire for companionship.

I smile for I believe in the illusion. 　

I haven’t felt like crying in a while. I haven’t felt this empty in a while either.　

It is constantly being pushed into my face.
You must have it.
It will make your life better.
You must have it.
It will make your time meaningful.
You must have it.
Without it, you’ll die alone . 
You must have it.
Your life will be for nothing. 

It is being rubbed onto my being.
I must have it.
It will make my life better.
I must have it.
It will make my life meaningful.
I must have it.
If I don’t, my life is for nothing.

Is this all for nothing?

Is it?
All the work?
The effort?
The Time?
Resources?
Emotional investment?

If I will just end up broken again? 

4 years ago I declared my love for the first real woman in my life.

4 years later I wrote this update to tell you that it was all irrelevant.

My travels tell me that “love” is an overpriced commodity.

Remember when I told you I loved you?
What did you think of it then?
What about now?

If things aren’t working out, you’re free to leave.

You’ll be my one and only

but could you accept the fact that I will talk to other women while we are together. Not in an intentionally flirtatious manner but friendly. As I hope you’ll do with your male friends. You have my exclusivity, what else do I need to show?

Is it her love I desire?

Or the illusion of it?

Do we think rationally when we exit emotional relationships?

Don’t tell my heart that love is for all.

I don’t need it to survive

but it makes life much more complete.